Recently I have started reading books and web sites about the Australian Legal system. Why on earth are you doing this Charles? You have NEVER been interested in Law!

It is true. When I was at school I liked science and mathematics and disliked wordy subjects like English. I preferred the world of certainy, numbers, logic and scientific method. Some of my friends studied law at Sydney University and the College of Law but I didn’t envry all the reading they had to do.  Besides, I didn’t have marks to do a law course.

So why the interest now?  The only dealings I have had with the “Law” since my school days can be summarised as follows:

Road Related. Being stopped by the police for exceeding the speed limit (twice) and using a transit lane in peak hour on the Gladesville bridge. In my gung ho twenties, the Law could only mean the Police.

Jury Duty. I have been called up to do Jury Duty on several occasions but I had to excuse myself with Statutory Declarations because I was travelling for business.

Conveyancing.  Purchasing a home unit and a house required the services of a solicitor for the necessary documents for purchasing a property. The solicitor used old-world legalese in his writing and reminded me of a character from a Charles Dickens novel.

Will.  My first will was prepared by my school friend Philip Bell who was then working at a law firm in Parramatta.

Canberra. I have visited Canberra many times and visited the High Court building, Old Parliament House (well, it was the only Parliament house for many decades) and the new Parliament House. I admired the architecture but not really sure of how the political system worked in detail.

Law Society of NSW. When working for a software company in 1995, one of our customers was the Law Society of NSW. I visited their offices several time as we converted an application (for registration of solicitors) to use our database software.

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My interest in Law was sparked when I needed to get our wills updated and enduring Powers of Attorney. Some people say you can do this yourself … it is just a document. I doubted this and engaged the services of a local solicitor to draw up the documents.

I wanted to know more so started using Google to search for Acts of Parliament relating to Probate. But first I needed to understand the big picture so I borrowed “Understanding Law” (7th Edition) by Chisholm and Nettheim.

The most interesting insight was how Australian Law started as a clone of English Law then updated through Parliament. I also learnt about the two main origins of law – legislation (Commonwealth and State) and the court system.  The underlying source of authority for the system is the Australian Constitution so I have gone so far as reading every word of the Constitution.

When I was at school the subject of Legal Studies didn’t exist, but lately I have read two more library books for this HSC subject. This has given me further perspective on such areas as Law and the Environment, Native Title and the Mabo ruling, Criminal Law and Evidence.

At my point in reading, I am now reading and learning more about English legal history, the colonisation of Australia, Federation and the Australian Constitution, How Federal and State Parliament works, the court hierarchy – High Court, Supreme Court, District and Local Courts. Last week I bought an 800 page 2nd hand Australian Business Law text book for $10 so that will keep me busy.

As well as libraries, I have found many useful web sites were Commonwealth and State Law can be accessed, Law Reports as well as the web sites for the various courts and law making bodies. More about these in later blog articles.

Law is wordy but I don’t envy the reading load of Law students.

Law has logic and reasoning but has a lot of fuzzy edges to keep lawyers and courts busy.

Law  affects so many parts of our daily lives: Driving, working, buying, selling, eating, living and dying.

Law is everywhere.

When you were a child, did you read the fables of Aesop  -  moral tales featuring animals?

I’m going to tell you  the story about the Tortoise and the Hare .

A tortoise and a hare were arguing about who was the fastest. They decided to settle the matter with a race. The hare had such confidence in  his  natural ability for speed, that he didn’t worry about the race. He lay down by the side of the road and went to sleep.

Meanwhile,  the tortoise, aware of his slow movements, plodded along without stopping until he passed the sleeping hare and won the race.

The moral of this story is “Slow and Steady wins the race”.  The tortoise demonstrates how a naturally gifted person through lack of dedication is often beaten by a persistent plodder.

Now I will tell you a similar story about a boy who was passionate about science.  In primary school, he read science books and magazines. He had a chemistry laboratory set up in the  laundry.

While other boys kicked footballs, this boy read about  atomic reactors and dreamed of becoming a scientist.  This boy was me – full of passion and enthusiasm for science.

In  my first year of high school  science was a new subject and I got to use a real science laboratory.  Science was my favourite subject and  I didn’t worry too much about studying because  of my primary school reading.

Science was new to my classmates and they had to plod through unfamiliar material. I was able  to have  fun doing experiments and not get stressed.

At the end of the year I received the Year 7 Science prize. I was the science hare!

In  the next school year , the work load increased. English essays, French grammar and Geography. I didn’t worry too much about science as that was easy, so I took it easy, just like the hare.

At the end of the year the Science Prize was awarded to …. Someone else! Oh no! What happened? A science tortoise had plodded ahead of me.

What had gone wrong?  I loved science, so why couldn’t I excel  and win the prize? I had slackened off. I wanted a career in science but my classmates had overtaken me.

I decided to work hard and work consistently. So  I  became a science Tortoise,  and often I was a fast Tortoise!

I worked hard in all my subjects and eventally studied science at Sydney University where a lot of persistence and hard work was needed to graduate.

In many parts of my life I am a Tortoise not a Hare. I’m not the fastest or brightest, but I know where I want to go. I persist and take action every day to reach the  finish line.  Often  I overtake a hare resting at the side of the road.

When you are working on your goals, Remember the story of the hare and the tortoise :  just because you have natural abilities don’t become complacent like the hare and fall asleep at the side of the road.

Instead, be like the tortoise who knows where he is going. Be persistent and steady and you will win the race.

Postscript:

My friend John Rogers received the science prize each year from Year 8 onwards. Be both attended the International Science School held at Sydney University in the September holidays when we were in Year 11.  John and I both studied the top level mathematics (equivalent of 2 Unit extension in the current syllabus). I passed the exams with regular coaching, but John came top in the state in the HSC.

I toyed with the idea of pursuing Chemistry as a career but got interested in computers and decided to major in Computer Science and Pure Mathematics.  In my last year of school I seriously considered studying Medicine and worked really hard, however my marks weren’t high enough.  My HSC result was in the top 5% of the state, but I needed to be in the top 2% to qualify.

What is the biggest dream or goal you have right now?

Is it Getting fit, making a career change or becoming a master communicator?

But have you not started or have got stuck because these goals are so HUGE and OVERWHELMING? Even if you have started are you overwhelmed by what is required to FINISH?

Hands up who knows how to eat an elephant? The answer is “one mouthful at a time”.

How about the phrase: “The journey of a thousand miles starts with?  A single step.

How do these statements relate to our goals?

There is a strategy for tackling what appears to be an OVERWHELMING goal so HUGE we are stunned into procrastination by its sheer ENORMITY

How many of you have felt like that?  I know I have.

Big goals and challenges are tackled in the same way as smaller goals, one step or bite at a time.

It is like taking a long car journey over night. Say you were driving from Sydney to Brisbane. It is a distance of nearly one thousand kilometers and 12-hours of driving.

Your vision goes only as far as your headlights. Your attention is always be on the road in front of you, your intermediate intention is the next town or the refuelling stop. You have faith that as every kilometer passes you are that much closer to your destination – even though you don’t see it completely from where you started, its in your MIND.

I’m going to tell you how to achieve your elephant sized goals.

First visualise your goal and imagine how you will feel once you have achieved the goal – what does it look like? what does it sound like?  what does it feel like? what does it taste like? and maybe what does it smell like? Use all your senses to visualise your future reality. Your PASSION is the fuel that ggw thrive on!

The second step for achieving elephant sized goals is deciding on the steps required to take you forward It is important that these steps are comfortable and challenging but won’t over stretch you otherwise you will become demotivated. The right size step will allow a steady pace that can be easily maintained.

Each step should be discrete, having a finishing point with something to celebrate. You need to congratulate yourself after you walked 30 minutes today, put five dollars in your saving account or read a few pages from a book.

How could you achieve the goal of having a rich vocabulary?

Would you take a month off work to read the dictionary from cover to cover and try to memorise the contents?

A painless and quick method is to learn just one new word a day. Buy a packet of index cards and every day, look up a new word and write its meaning and an example sentence on the card. Put the card on display so you can see it and use the word throughout the day.

This only takes a couple of minutes each day but in one year you will learn 365 new words which is almost as much as some people’s total grasp of the English language!

The third step for achieving elephant sized goals is regularity, usually daily.

You need to have persistence in taking the small regular steps, and the way to do this is by making it a regular habit.

I have read in several places, that establishing a new habit requires 30 days. Therefore remind yourself for the next 30 days to take your next step. I write a reminder in my diary, but a monthly calendar is also very effective for crossing off each day as the task is completed.

Imagine you want to improve your impromptu speaking and become the Table Topics champion? Each day for the next 30 days, give yourself a topic, and practice speaking for 2 minutes. Practice in front of the family, or by yourself in the park. The important thing is to practice daily but only for 2 minutes

That is how we improve here at Toastmasters … we become better speakers by speaking …. One speech at a time.

The goals each and every one of you desire are attainable. It is possible to save significant amounts of money… saving $5 each working day in a year will return … can you work it out.. $1200. So giving up your cappuccino habit could finance your next holiday!

Walking briskly for 30 minutes a day will have a positive effect on your health and waistline.

Starting today, claim that big dream and choose comfortable, achievable, steps . Establish the habit to regularly take these steps. You will reach your goal and once there you should celebrate your success!

Imagine how you will feel having achieved your goals but looking back it didn’t seem difficult at all. You hardly realised you were working on the goals.

Small steps taken through regular habit will make your elephant sized goal a reality. What a formula for success!

Starting today, what steps do you need to take to reach your big goal?

It was 1947 and an experimental rocket plane, the X1 was being dropped from a B29 bomber at 20,000 feet. The test pilot was Chuck Yeager, the first man to break the sound barrier, and he told me about his experiences.

At first he had to get the nose of the rocket plane down to prevent stalling, but when that was done, he fired all four rocket chambers and climbed to 40,000 feet. The faster the plane approached the sound barrier, the smoother the ride.

Suddenly the Mach needle fluctuated and went off the scale – Chuck was flying supersonic!  In fact, he said it was as smooth as a baby’s bottom – Grandma could be up there sipping lemonade.

Do you believe me when I tell you that Chuck Yeager himself told me this? You’re right – I have never met him personally but he told me in his autobiography.

I want to talk about reading. All those books in libraries, book shops and your own home are a wonderful untapped resource that can help you achieve your goals.  Authors spend hundreds of hours writing their books and their target audience is You.

I want to hallenge you with three things:

1. To define your short range goals

2. To go out tomorrow and acquire those books to help you reach your goals

3. Start a daily habit of reading – start with twenty minutes a day.

Now I don’t know what your goals are but there are several reasons why you should become a better reader.  Knowledge is power – the power to achieve goals. What we get for free in life – our mind, our health and these free things are what we usually ignore and not use properly.

Imagine if we had to rent our minds for $2000 a month – we would be wanting to make sure we got our money’s worth by reading the owners manuals and other books on how to use our brains more effectively – to be more creative, to be less stressed.

Another very important reason for reading is that it will increase your vocabulary as well as making you a more interesting person.

Once you have identified two or three goals to start on, go out and get the books – beg, borrow or buy. The important thing is to go out and get them.
Take for example, an excellent book on sales by Tom Hopkins. It costs $7.95 – If it helped you add $20,000 to your commission do you think that money was well spent?  Just looking at the contents will give you an idea of its value.

Maybe sales is not your games, but instead you would like to hear from one of the world’s greatest scientists – Albert Einstein. How about reading “Ideas and Opinions” – a collection of essays by Einstein?

Dont think of reading as a chore you had to do in school.  I had a bad experience of reading D.H.Lawrence at school.  I had to force myself to plough through this heavy novel. It wasn’t until I got to university that I started to enjoy reading good literature again.

These days people are watching more and more TV and video and reading less. Perhaps the only reading you do is a TV guide! Television may be fine for relaxing, but generally speaking you won’t learn much. I spend more and more time each week reading.

Set yourself a reading goal – start with twenty minutes a day or a book every two weeks.  For the budding entrepreneur, Victor Kiam’s book “Go For It!” us full of good advice. You may not agree with all of it but take the good and reject the bad.

I liked his advice:

“I felt that as long as I was going to invest time, I might as well invest my best effort. We are only on the earth for a limited time. Why waste our precious moments simply going through the motions? I cided that whatever tasks I assigned myself, I would carry them out to the best of my ability. I found out the means of the word boredom. You know what that is? It’s that time in your life when you’ve styopped challenging yourself . How can anyone be bored if they strive for excellence each day? “

So, set yourself some goals, search out some books to start reading tomorrow and become a constant reader. As you read, keep notes of ideas that speak out to you and can help you.

Who knows what books are out there waiting for you to read? All you have to do is to go out and find them.

Happy Reading!

This article is based on a speech delivered on  December 4, 2006. The topic was inspired by Leil Lowndes book “How to Talk to Anyone – 92 little tricks for big success in relationships”.

As a child did you have the experience of being out somewhere with your mother when an unknown grown-up spoke to you and you continued talking? Your mother grabbed your hand, dragged you away and said “Don’t talk to strangers’”.

But now that you are grown up, are you still living by your parent’s advice of not talking to strangers?

Are your social interactions limited to just the people to whom you are introduced?

The advice of “Don’t talk to a stranger” is no longer relevant!

So what is a stranger? Quite simply, a stranger is someone you haven’t met yet. Now there is nothing wrong with talking to a stranger in most situations. A conversation could be as simple as asking someone for directions, asking the time or offering help to someone.

A few weeks ago I was on my way home leaving Wahroonga station. I saw an older woman about to lug a suitcase up the stairs. I offered to help, we both carried the case up to street level. She looked at me and said “Thank you. You are a real gentleman!”. Can you imagine what a warm glowing feeling that gave me?

Of course you don’t need to strike up a conversation with everyone you meet, otherwise you might be branded as mentally deranged or a public nuisance. But don’t you think it strange sitting next to someone on a three hour flight in cramped economy class and not exchanging a single word?

Sydney is a busy city but I think many people are suffering from loneliness and longing to talk to new people and make friends. There are the exceptions of course such as the young woman I saw at North Sydney station last week. Her iPod headphones were jammed in her ears, she fiddled with her mobile phone and wore sunglasses – at eight o’clock in the morning’. The message was clear – LEAVE ME ALONE!

It’s easy to talk to people you already know because you have something in common. But talking to strangers pushes most of us way out of our comfort zone, with many barriers to cross – most of them self-imposed – fear of rejection, fear of having nothing in common and a fear of looking foolish by saying something stupid.

Let’s examine the barrier of thinking you have nothing in common. We all have something in common – at the very least being human and living on planet Earth.

There are many situations where the location automatically provides something in common, an office party, conference, a school function or a Toastmasters meeting.

So how do you get started? It doesn’t really matter too much what you say to begin with – the important thing is to make the connection by just speaking.

For example, when I am watching my daughter play sport and I want to meet another parent, the opening question is easy:  “Which is your daughter?” as I cast my eye over the hockey field. Did you notice I am not even asking for a name? It doesn’t take much thinking to formulate an opening question or statement.

I attended the school Christmas Carol service a few weekends ago. Ann older gentleman asked me what time the service started – an easy question to answer. We continued the conversation for at least 10 minutes. I learnt that his grand-daughter was at the school in Year 9. Soon a fellow Year 10 (my daughter’s year) parent arrived and I introduced him to my new acquaintance.

But how do you talk to a stranger when here is less in common? What can you say without your opening sentence being threatening, or sounding like a pickup line?

A good strategy is to look for something of interest the person is wearing or carrying that you can make a comment about. It could be a hat, a sloganed t-shirt, a piece of jewellery or even a name badge.  Why do you think they give out name badges at conferences?  They are tools for introductions!

The focus of your opening conversation is the item, not the person, so you won’t appear threatening or imposing. If you want strangers to talk to you, then wear something that can start a conversation!

My final sugggestion in my brief survey of conversation starters is to use your sense of humour, delivered with a friendly smile as you look directly into the person’s eyes when you speak. People appreciate humour that lightens their day and adds some fun.

The lifts in my office provide many opportunities for talking to strangers. The hit and miss nature of the card key swipe panel and the lightning speed of the dosing doors provides many situations for a humorous exchange. The aroma of a takeaway coffee carried by a fellow lift occupant is often a goad conversation starter the morning.

A conversation in the lift is not too threatening as the journey is so short, unless of course you get stuck for thirty minutes.

In conclusion I encourage you to drop any fears and pretension about talking to strangers. Practice talking to someone new every day – man and woman, young and old.

Who knows what great friendships are ahead of you until you start making your own introductions?

In the world of strangers, you will find new friends, new inspiration, and new business and career contacts. And for those seeking it, you could find new romance!

So what are you waiting for? Talk to a stranger today.

For more information, read the Wiki-how web page on How to Talk to Strangers.

An educational session delivered on 6th November 2007

I remember my first experience of asking a girl out on a date. My heart was racing, palms sweaty, and knees trembling. I struggled to say the words I had so carefully rehearsed.

Sounds a bit like our first speeches doesn’t it? Nervous and possibly terrified. It is common for experienced speakers to get nervous as well as beginners.

The difference is that experienced speakers know how to take control of nervousness and appear confident.

So what causes speech anxiety and how can you overcome it?

Why was I nervous asking a girl out? Why are you nervous speaking in front of a group?  The situation was new and unknown. You were afraid you might fail. Many people fear public speaking because it is something new and they are afraid of appearing foolish.

Stage fright is common to all speakers who are concerned about their performance. But this stage fright is just nervous energy, and useful if channelled properly.

When we are confronted with a fearful situation, our bodies respond by increasing the flow of adrenalin – the “fight or flight” hormone. Adrenalin causes the heart to beat faster and creates a burst of “extra energy”.

This energy can be channelled into a great speech performance using three methods:

1) Experience
2) Mental rehearsal and
3) Relaxation techniques

Experience

The best method to reduce anxiety and stage fright is to simply practice speaking in front of an audience, preferably in a safe and supportive environment. Toastmasters is the perfect environment!

After speaking a few times, you begin to put your anxiety into perspective. The audience isn’t hostile or bored, and you probably did not make a fool of yourself. Your audiences want you to succeed and to hear what you have to say. If you make a mistake – so what? You learn from it. No one will attack you just because something didn’t work.

Mental Rehearsal

Another method of controlling speech anxiety is mental rehearsal by visualising yourself successfully giving the speech. Vividly imagined events are recorded by the brain as memories, yet the brain does not distinguish these visualisations from the actual physical experience.

Once you have written your speech and practiced it out loud a few times, you can mentally rehearse your performance as if it is actually happening.

Close your eyes. Imagine that you are being introduced to an audience. You walk up to the lectern confidently, smiling to the people as you pass. Breathe deeply several times before beginning to speak. Then picture yourself speaking clearly and forcefully, remembering all of the points you wanted to make. You captivate your audience with your words, gestures and vocal variety. When you finish, imagine the audience applauding in appreciation.

Repeat this vision until your confidence has increased and your anxiety has decreased.

Relaxation Techniques

Even experienced speakers get tense before a speech. Relaxation and breathing techniques can help reduce stress. Focus on parts of the body that feel most tense, such as the shoulders. Tighten that part for a few seconds, then release it. Do the same for the rest of your muscles, starting with the feet and working up to the facial muscles.

If you have the luxury of privacy just before you are called upon to speak, you can do other exercises described in the handout.

1. Standing, inhale and stretch your arms toward the ceiling. Then exhale as you bend and touch the toes, keeping the knees straight. (If you can’t reach your toes, bend as far as you comfortably can.) Repeat this several times.

2. Hold your arms out to the sides, parallel to the floor, and rotate them in small circles, first forward 10 times, then backward 10 times.

3. Drop your head to your chest, rolling it to the right, to the back, then to the left, in a circle. Repeat this several times, then reverse the procedure, rolling your head to the left, to the back, etc.

It is important to breathe properly as nervousness often causes shortness of breath. Breathing from the diaphragm will support your voice for better projection and resonance. When you inhale, make sure the diaphragm and stomach, not the chest, are expanding.

To learn to breathe correctly, lie on your back with a book on your stomach. Take a deep breath. Your stomach-and diaphragm-should expand, causing the book to rise. When you exhale, the book should fall, too.

Even after practicing and mentally rehearsing your speech, you still will feel somewhat nervous before your presentation. This is normal. You want some adrenalin flowing to help you to speak with energy and enthusiasm, otherwise your presentation could fall flat.

Remember, even if you are nervous, your audience most likely will not notice. Audiences are often unaware of signs that the speaker thinks are embarrassingly obvious. If you walk and speak confidently, the audience will not know that your palms are sweaty, your heart is pounding, or that you forgot so say several sentences you so carefully rehearsed the night before.

In conclusion, take control of your speech preparation and rehearsal by visualising success. Breathe correctly and relax your body to turn your nervousness into positive energy.

Maybe you have heard the expression “butterflies in your stomach”.

Let’s get these butterflies “flying in formation”.

And above all get up and speak at every possible occasion!

This speech was delivered in a Humorous Speech Contest in  2005

Every day I’m seeing more and more people afflicted with mad cow disease. That’s right people are turning into cows …why? they are constantly chewing, chewing, chewing. Ladies and gentlemen, we have been invaded by the American invention of  chewing gum.

There’s a difference between the chewing behaviour of cows and human People chew with their mouth open.

The other day I observed on the train a young man chewing the cud with a young woman. While they were talking I could see white gobs of gum in their mouths being bouncing around as they talked and in danger of being ejected into the lap of another traveller.

But why the popularity of chewing gum? I’ve come to the conclusion that these people leave home in such a hurry they didn’t have time to brush their teeth. The personal dental hygiene ritual has now gone public in the railway carriage. Or maybe these people are trying to quit smoking and they are chewing those nicotine replacement gums.

The NSW government could learn about controlling chewing gum from Singapore. Gum is completely banned there and I have heard that if you get caught chewing gum in public you get executed. The last Australian found with the proscribed amount of chewing gum had their sentence reduced to twenty years and they are still fighting it out in the Singapore courts.

Anyway, that’s enough about keeping your teeth clean.

One of the amazing abilities of the human body is the ability to store food and water for a significant time without the need for constant eating and drinking. This leads me to the puzzle of people carrying water bottles on the train. Why is this?

Now the average commute time between walking out the front door and arriving at the office is most likely under an hour. I see people on the train carrying enough water to cross the Simpson desert on foot! Why are they bothering to carry this water when you can turn on the tap at home or at the office and get a decent drink of water?

Why is it that people can spend $2 on a bottle of water when you can bottle your own from the kitchen sink Two dollars will buy you enough tap water to fill 240 one litre bottles!

I suppose that carrying your own water supply could be handy in the event of a terrorist bombing on the train. A group of passengers could use their water bottles to put out a fire, and clean up the wounded.

It was the French who started the tradition of bottled waters, probably in response to lousy Parisian tap water. A popular brand of French water is Evian. Sounds very exotic but spell the name backwards N A I V E. Yes, naive, a French word adopted into the English language. The Evian brand is actually OK. You should avoid the other brands as they are radioactive and can give you cancer.

However the gold mine of drinks would have to be the Boost Juice bars. If you thought bottled water was expensive, go and buy a drink at a Boost bar. Boost customers will spend more money on a drink than a good hot take-away meal.

The Boost bars offer some very exotic concoctions of fruits with names of Banana Buzz, All Berry Bang, and Pure Passion. I think there’s something going on there for the ladies? One of the drink supplements they have is wheatgrass. Now, what the heck is wheatgrass anyway? It sounds like something the Hare Krishnas would drink. It is probably easier waiting until you get home and just throwing some of your lawn clippings into a food processor and making your own drink.

Maybe $6 for what I thought was a fancy milkshake is quite a bargain. After all …. their drinks offer enormous benefits of energiser boosts and stress relief. The humble milkshake has come a long way since the chocolate and strawberry milkshakes of my youth when the only optional extra was a teaspoon of malt powder for an additional twenty cents.

It’s obvious that I am out of touch with new trends in nutrition and personal hygiene. From now on, I will carry my own water, chewing gum and Boost Bar loyalty card so I can start my day with Passion and a Bang!

This speech was given at the Chatswood Early Risers Humorous Speech Contest on the 18th August 2009.

Who likes  Disneyland,  Dream World or Sydney’s own Luna Park?
The adrenalin rush of the rides, the noise noise and the crowds?

If this appeals to your sense of adventure,  but you can’t get to an  amusement  park – I have an alternative which is MUCH closer to home -  a train trip with City Rail. That’s right. City Rail offers you all these thrills for just the price of a train ticket.

One thing I have to say about amusement parks — they’re not cheap thrills. But wait till you buy your City Rail ticket – it’s not a cheap thrill either, unless you are student or a Senior.

So let me be your guide as I take you on an action filled adventure with City Rail.

Amusement parks are mis-named. They should be called “Wait In Line” parks. With City Rail you also get to do a lot of waiting, and just like Luna Park,  City Rail offers some distractions  to entertain you while you wait on the platform.

Try your skill at “spot the smoker”.  Wait  for the announcement “Customers are reminded that smoking is NOT PERMITTED in covered areas, toilets and waiting rooms”. Then quickly look around and see if you can spot the offender.

My favourite game  is “spot the pram”. Every morning I hear “Customers with prams are asked to keep a firm grip at all times and apply the brakes when waiting.” I keep looking, but I can’t see the pram. Maybe your eyes are better than mine?

My favourite ride at Luna Park is the dodgem cars. The goal is to deliberately crash into other drivers. You can play a similar game on the (railway) platform – Dodgem Phone . Watch out for the determined commuter walking briskly, head down, with  both thumbs frantically typing.  Position yourself carefully and see if you can crash. But if the person is moving really quickly   —-  then you’d better get out of the way!

Here comes the train! So where should you sit in the carriage?   In a roller coaster ride, it is scarier sitting up the front. The same with the train – you need to choose your seat carefully for maximum thrills.

Every ride at Luna Park has loud music. You can also find loud music on the train. Look for the person with the white headphone cords – connected to an  iPod. Sit next to them and enjoy the music blaring out.

How about enjoying the IMAX experience? City Rail commuters now watch movies on their journey.

Many commuters carry a laptop computer and watch action films. Sit next to this traveller, and be dazzled by the fast-paced action on  screen. There is no additional charge for this  entertainment.

By now, you must agree that the train trip is just as exciting as the Luna Park Ghost Train ride, especially if you race through the tunnels on the new Epping line with its flashing lights and ear-piercing noise.

Do you like those sideshow games where you try your luck to win prizes? City Rail offers you a game of skill where you try to UNDERSTAND THE GUARD’s ANNOUNCEMENT.

The most articulate announcers must have just missed out on a job with Qantas “Thank you for choosing City Rail  and please make sure you take all your personal belongings with you”. That was easy to understand.

And there is the guard who must have a second job as a stand-up comic “thank you for travelling City Rail .. the time is 8.20 and we are currently travelling at an altitude of 4 feet”.

The worst announcer are those guards afraid of public speaking.  They mumble away, being  understood by no one.    If only I could tell them about Toastmasters.

Your journey will soon come to an end – but there is still one more adventure ahead.

By now, the carriage is packed with noisy high school students. School bags litter the floor space.  People are standing on the stairs  and not moving. How do  you get out? —   Crowd surf!

Yes, it is quite safe to take a leap into the crowd as your fall will be cushioned by the school bags. No doubt this is the most exciting City Rail ride of all.

After you have landed, face the carriage door and leap towards the platform. Push through the crowds  of people  packed together like penguins then  squeeze into the crowd on the stairs  to reach the end of your adventure — the ticket gate.

What a ride! Now it is your turn to take the big adventure . Get to your nearest railway station today [or tomorrow] and buy a ticket for the RIDE —  of your LIFE!

Speech given at the Area 34 Humorous Speech Competition 6th October 2007

I was driving to work the other day when I saw a bumper sticker on the car in front.

HIRE A TEENAGER WHILE THEY STILL KNOW EVERYTHING.

The more I thought about it, I realised that life can be exciting from a teenage viewpoint.

I took inspiration from the bumper sticker. Despite being a parent of two teenage girls and nearly half a century old, I started an experiment. From now on, I would think like a teenager and behave like a teenager.

But how should I dress? When I was growing up I would often wear a singlet under my school shirt in the winter months. On colder days I might even wear a t-shirt instead.

The modern teenager has literally turned this idea inside out! Instead of wearing a t-shirt under a shirt, it is worn on the outside! So what, if the long sleeves stick out — this is youth fashion! The shirt on the outside is practical. If you get too hot it is a simple matter of taking off the t-shirt. There is no need to disappear somewhere to get changed.

As a teenager I remember my mother constantly nagging me: ‘Charles!  Tuck your shirt in!’. Smartly dressed used to mean tucked in and looking neat.  The modern teenager never tucks in a shirt. It should be allowed to hang freely over the pants.  Young males like the look of women in stylish mini-skirts and are trying to dress accordingly. I think it is some sort of skirt envy.

What else do teenagers love apart from fashion? Music. In my teenage years, I listened to music on the radio or played records or tapes on the family stereo – as loudly as possible.  A regular complaint from my parents was ‘Turn it down!’.

I decided to get with it and buy the modern teenager’s must-have fashion accessory, a special hearing aid with distinctive white cord — the Apple iPod. Judging by the high paced Shhh..Shhs..Shsss sounds emanating from the ears of other teenagers, this device is best described as the teenager’s pacemaker.

The word that best describes iPod is ‘cocoon’.  I can be insulated from the rest of the world as I go about my daily routine accompanied by my own personal soundtrack. The headphones stay in all day except when answering the mobile phone, but it is alright to keep a headphone in one ear and place the phone on the other ear . after all, teenagers can do many things at once.

Speaking of mobile phones – being a teenager has taught me about high speed communication using the text message. Kids are doing everything with text messages these days aren’t they? Arranging dates or voting for their favourite Australian Idol.

You can do anything with text messages now. Just about the only thing teenagers can’t do with it is spell properly. I remember when they made addressing letters easier by giving up on all the punctuation. In the same way they’ve made text messages easier by giving up on punctuation and all the vowels.

My business communications are so much quicker now that I have given up writing punctuation and vowels. By the way, did you know that the Guinness world record for typing a 160 character text message is 41 seconds? Who is this champion? A 16 year old in Singapore. This is quite an achievement since the typing is done just with the thumbs.

Speaking of thumbs, I forgot to say that I bought an Xbox and a couple of bloodthirsty computer games. The sound and graphics are so realistic. I enjoyed the shooting so much that I nearly changed career and joined the army!

All good things must come to an end.

It was a fun experiment living like a teenager but I had to stop as I couldn’t remember how to get dressed, my aging thumbs were getting sore, and the iPod stressed me out with the high speed dance music. I couldn’t maintain the pace!

I concluded that being the parent of teenagers is just as much fun as being one.

A speech by Charles Cave given on 20th February 2008 to Chatswood Early Risers Toastmasters and the Area 34 International Speech Contest.

In fourteen ninety two, Columbus sailed the ocean blue.

Imagine a ship. It is just before sunrise. Sailors are standing on deck, staring into a fog. As the sun rises, the fog lifts, revealing a single palm tree. The captain jumps down to the beach. His eyes are filled with tears of joy. After eight weeks at sea, he has finally reached land, and in doing so, achieved a lifelong dream.

This is a scene from the movie ‘1492 – Conquest of Paradise‘ which tells the story of Christopher Columbus. Released in 1992, it is an inspiring story of one man’s perseverance to realise his life dream.

Columbus is not taught in Australian schools but he is here in spirit to teach us about success and achievement.

Born in Genoa, Italy, Columbus left school at the age of 14 – that’s the equivalent of dropping out of Year 9! He went to sea and learnt his navigation skills on the job, sailing in the Mediterranean.

This is his first lesson: You don’t need huge amounts of formal education to get a job done. It is just a matter of getting out there, doing the best you can and learning as you go.

Columbus had a vision. He had read Marco Polo’s descriptions of the abundant treasures of the Far East – spices from India, jade from China and silk from Japan.  He studied the latest world maps and was convinced he could go east by travelling west.

This is his second lesson. Sometimes you have to do things differently or go in the opposite direction to get results.

Columbus was different to other maritime explorers. He didn’t follow the coastline. It is easy to navigate if you can always see the coast. That is the equivalent of ice-skating by hanging on to the wall and not letting go. Columbus sailed with no land in sight, just relying on his navigation skills, sextant and compass.

This is his third lesson – sometimes you need to lose sight of land. Take risks by allowing the familiar coastline to go out of sight, and to rely on other means of planning your journey.

How long do you stick with a task before giving it up as impossible?  Columbus had to persuade others to finance his expedition. He knew he would encounter resistance.

He first approached the King of Portugal. He wasn’t interested.  He next approached Henry the Seventh of England. He wasn’t interested either.  For seven years he was regularly knocked back. The people in power were opposed to the idea that the earth might be round.

Finally he approached Queen Isabella of Castille. In the film he said to her: ‘I see someone who doesn’t accept the world as it is. Who’s not afraid. I see a woman who thinks ‘What if?’. The next day, Columbus learnt that the Queen had agreed to finance his expedition.

His fourth lesson is persevere. Never, never, never give up, until you get what you want.

The most interesting quality of Columbus was Serendipity – discovering something good by accident, while looking for something completely different.  Columbus’ vision was reaching the Far East. When he first sighted land he was convinced he was in Japan, but in reality it was an island of the Bahamas.

Serendipity often occurs in our lives. You may have joined Toastmasters to improve your presentations at work, but along that journey you discover you have a gift for teaching. You quit your job and start your own training business.  His fifth and final lesson is to be prepared for surprising and unexpected successes on your journey.

Was Columbus successful? Yes! We still know his name after 500 years.

Columbus showed the qualities of having a vision of his goal.

He wasn’t afraid to leave the safety of the coast and travel in the opposite direction to others. It was not essential to have a vast education.

You can do the same by getting started now. Learn to navigate by getting on a boat, rather than staying in the classroom. Look for a new direction to reach your goal. Don’t be afraid to lose sight of land, and persevere until you reach your goal.  And always be open to the wondrous, unexpected discoveries on your journey to the conquest of your paradise.

The Success Secrets of Christopher Columbus

1. You don’t need a lot of formal education to get the job done. Get out there and do it, learn as you go and do the best you can.

2. Sometimes you need to go in the opposite direction or do something differently.

3. Sometimes you need to lose sight of land, take risks and rely on other means of guidance.

4. Persevere! Never, never, never give up until you get what you want.

5. Serendipity. Be prepared for surprising and unexpected successes on your journey.