Understanding the language of job advertisements

Positions VacantHave you ever wondered what a job advertisement is really saying? What sort of work will be involved and do you have the required skills or experience?

Here is a fun guide to the language of job advertisements, or Positions Vacant as they are sometimes known.

These explanations are not my work, but have been doing the rounds of the Internet for many years.

Energetic self-starter: You’ll be working on commission.

Entry level position: We will pay you the lowest wages allowed by law.

Experience required: We do not know the first thing about any of this.

Fast learner: You will get no training from us.

Flexible work hours: You will frequently work long overtime hours.

Good organizational skills: You’ll be handling the filing.

Make an investment in your future: This is a franchise or a pyramid scheme.

Management training position: You’ll be a salesperson with a wide territory.

Much client contact: You handle the phone or make “cold calls” on clients.

Must have reliable transportation: You will be required to break speed limits.

Must be able to lift 50 pounds: We offer no health insurance or chiropractors.

Opportunity of a lifetime: You will not find a lower salary for so much work.

Planning and coordination: You book the boss’ travel arrangements.

Quick problem solver: You will work on projects months behind schedule already.

Strong communication skills: You will write tons of documentation and letters.

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